Finding Harmonious Agreement with the Past, Free for the Future
“Only someone who is in harmonious agreement with the past is also free for the future.” – Stephan Hausner
Recently I felt I was drowning in a state of anxiety and I asked myself the question: “what is my worst fear? “
To my surprise I heard myself say: “I will lose everybody; everybody will leave me and I will be alone and lost.” These words did not fit my present condition: I am not losing anybody and nobody is leaving me.
However I still resonated deeply with these words. So I followed my restless anxiety and fear and landed in a pool of grief.
From my experience with Family Constellation work, I recognized these feelings from both my mother and grandmother. My mother had carried the grief of her mother (my grandmother), who lost her mother ( my great grandmother) when she was only four years old. In addition she was carrying her own grief from not being mothered.
Loss was a theme on my mother’s side.
I became aware of how I had been fighting these feelings. I wanted to break out of my female lineage of loss and grief which for both my mother and grandmother had led to a life of dependency deriving from the need for safety.
I have known about my past and had accepted it. However I had not fully agreed to it. In order to do this I had to give the grief and loss a place inside of me. To be in harmonious agreement is not about accepting what is and moving on as I would have liked, but rather allowing the loss and grief of my ancestors to have a place inside of me while I move forward.
What are you not in harmonious agreement with in your life? How do you unconsciously or habitually support looking away from your or someone else’s worst fear ?