Finding Harmonious Agreement with the Past, Free for the Future


“Only someone who is in harmonious agreement with the past is also free for the future.” – Stephan Hausner

Recently I felt I was drowning in a state of anxiety and I asked myself the question: “what is my worst fear?

To my surprise I heard myself say: “I will lose everybody; everybody will leave me and I will be alone and lost.”  These words did not fit my present condition: I am not losing anybody and nobody is leaving me.

However I still resonated deeply with these words.  So I followed my restless anxiety and fear and landed in a pool of grief.

From my experience with Family Constellation work, I recognized these feelings from both my mother and grandmother.  My mother had carried the grief of her mother (my grandmother), who lost her mother ( my great grandmother) when she was only four years old.  In addition  she was carrying her own grief from not being mothered.

Loss was a theme on my mother’s side.

I became aware of how I had been fighting these feelings.  I wanted to break out of my female lineage of loss and grief which for both my mother and grandmother had led to a life of dependency deriving from the need for safety.

I have known about my past and had accepted it. However I had not fully agreed to it. In order to do this I had to give the grief and loss a place inside of me. To be in harmonious agreement  is not about accepting what is and moving on as I would have liked, but rather allowing the loss and grief of my ancestors to have a place inside of me while I move forward.

What are you not in harmonious agreement with in your life? How do you unconsciously or habitually support looking away from your or someone else’s worst fear ?

Eve-Marie Elkin